I hate Paul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Okay so, I go in for my painting crit this morning, and
a) he forgot my critique...I had to hunt him down
b) he told me AGAIN how much he hated the first three paintings...but he's not repeating himself...
c) he told me how much he loved the second set of three...especially the ones without goddess forms in them....
d) he forgot that my Islamic painting was sitting there...which he was super excited about when I painted it...
e)  he went on and on about how great my painting of Sarasvati is...
f)  he didn't realize that the ones without figures in them were goddess paintings....even though I told him that before and while I painted them....
g) he really likes the direction I'm taking my paintings in...aka sans goddesses...
h) then he asked me what I learned this semester, I told him a lot about playing with the paint and working with transparency
i) he also asked me what I wanted to do with my senior project...I told him I wanted to continue to work with this theme...he started rambling about how I should really consider how I'm painting the goddesses because my earlier paintings conceptually suck...he also suggested that I keep a journal of info on said goddesses while I read about them...which I already do and I told him so....

And then after all that he decided to give me my grade.  But before we go there, let's do a brief check of my progress this semester--
--I was supposed to have 5 completed paintings, I had 7
--I only missed two days of class...and made it up outside of class later
--I came in as often as possible to work on my paintings outside of class (which was a little strained with the amount of hw I've had, but I still came in a lot...of course not often enough for Paul...)
--I followed almost every suggestion Paul gave me
---I found a ton of pictures for reference
---I added texture
---I added weird colors
---I ended up doing landscapes
---I thought a great deal about what I was trying to portray
--I kept a painting journal, which was in the syllabus, even though he never asked about it (until the final critique) or checked it
--I gave a killer presentation on Mondrian with a complete life history and about 30 slides of his work, covering everything on the syllabus that I was supposed to cover
--I kept my work area clean
--I turned everything in on time
--I went to every art opening and lecture, except one, and that one was because I had another class, and it was an important class -- I even asked the teacher if I could miss some of it, and I got to hear the visiting artist talk the next morning anyway

After all that Paul mentioned that he had me at a C+ for my midterm and that I was definitely out of the C range now...again he mentioned how much he liked my new paintings....
he told me I was a great painter...
he didn't give me the "potential" speech this time, which I took as a good sign...
he said he couldn't decide...
whether to give me a B...or a B-
Since I have started college I have never made a grade (a final grade) below a B-.  I have only ever gotten two B-s; one was in math, which I hate, the other was in Japanese, which became a torturous prison after a certain incident.  Last semester I made straight As (three As, two A-s).  I was hoping to make all As this semester...I already have three (Yoga, Fundies, Japan).  Paul has single handedly murdered that dream.  And why?  I have no freaking clue.  I assume it has something to do with my paintings not being abstract enough for him to appreciate them...personally I think his paintings suck.  He says my paintings don't have enough to hold the eye? His are just shapes and almost completely flat colors...usually three. Or at least all the ones in his latest show were.  I think he's been inhaling the turpentine a bit too much...perhaps swigging it or bathing in it, I'm not sure.  I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it's gonna be drastic.  Really freaking drastic.  Like dropping my major, or failing senior project, or something crazy that will wreck my GPA.  I don't really care.  I am so freaking pissed.  Fuck you Paul.  Or as they say in a really intriguing fanfic Jackie made me read:
spazx10
Go die in the street.

Every other art teacher I have tells me that I am a hard worker, that I am an amazing artist, and that they can't wait to see what I'll do with it.  In critiques with both Nancy and Shea I've been told I have an A immediately after I sat down, before they even looked at my work.  Paul has also told me that I'm a great painter, that I'm doing well, that he loved my work.  Generally the critique goes like this, "You are such a good artist!  You get an A!"  With Paul it was more along the lines of, "You are such a good artist!  You get a B, or a B-, I can't decide.  I'll let you know when I figure it out."  Hold the phone Paul!  Don't go raising me up a whole letter grade!  I can't handle the pressure and excitement of the fabulous B- that all great painters get!  Woooooooooow.  Just shoot me.  Or hit my head with a rock.  Please.

Posted by: The Witch at 06:03 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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